And then starts the fantasy
That something could be properly wrong with me
A giant tumor for everyone see
Oh poor thing
She has cancer
Operation
Chemotherapy
Suffer stoically
Of course
What a brave survivor
What an inspiring fighter

Instead
A stigmatized neurochemical nightmare
Hidden
Tripping me up as real as any amputated limb
A grotesque potion in which I’m forced to swim
Or drown in
Resuscitate
Drown again
Ad nauseum

How many times can one soul flatline?
A head fucking that fucks you in the head further every time
No, wait, seriously
I’ve mastered it THIS time
I am the champion
Now that that’s finally taken care of
Now that I’ve severed it forever
Time to start livin
Better late than never
I insist
Better late than never
Right?

Then
Every time’s a shock
Ev-er-y. time. is. a. shock.
I wake up bruised on the floor
(metaphor)
How did I get here?
Yesterday was amazing
And I swear someone promised me more
More, more, more
What changed?!
How is it that I am embroiled
In yet another war?

At some point I figure that I’ll figure
I just don’t know when to stay down
Cause I’m not really a killer
Or a winner
And despite every prayer and wish
Eventually tenacity
Turns into nothing but foolishness

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